Society

Nowadays, we have left everything behind and are concerned about whether or not Turkey will be admitted into the European Union. Some claim that Turkey must enter the European Union, while others insist that it must not. I can only recall an aphorism that one of my teachers told me: “Armenian National Movement representatives and fellow federalists, the European Union cares about your opinions as much as the shark cares about being under an umbrella.”

We should be thinking about ourselves, especially now when, no matter how ridiculous this sounds, people are talking about Armenia entering the European Union. How do we plan on entering the union? Since we are Armenian and there are more than three million Armenians living in Armenia (this is a lie because it is not the official number of people), thus, this question has more than 3,000,000-better yet 2,000,000-answers. But let’s draw our attention to the most interesting ones.

How do we plan on entering the European Union?

1.    We must take off our shoes so that we don’t make the carpet dirty.
2.    Cheating off the Europeans.
3.    Making a clone of Artur Baghdasaryan so that the French see that there are more Artur Baghdasaryans in Armenia and for them to let us enter their homes.
4.    Turning the Armenian deputies’ last names into European, for example Garzu, Doddy, Germany and The Life, etc.
5.    Preserving our national values and integrating into Europe, for example take Yezhi Yaskernia to eat khash (stewed meat) after his book sale and get beaten while playing backgammon.
6.    Explaining our compatriots that the dollar is not the only form of currency, that there is also the Euro (we can even lower the value of the Euro if we want-isn’t it under our control?)
7.    Telling the Europeans that we were civilized way before they were and they should not tell us if our elections are normal or not.
8.    Making Sadoyoan, Geghamyan and the federalists that not everything is good because it’s antique. The antique has an odor that sometimes permeates through the air. (or oil, depending on taste).
9.    Asking for many loans-not from the Americans or the Russians, but rather the Europeans-after which implementing the “Property in exchange of debt-2” program.
10.    Finally, one of the ways of entering the European Union is Copy-Paste (this is for intellectuals).

This is considered the top ten choices. Dear reader, you have the right to disagree with these and suggest your own. That is your constitutional right. Our country has been democratic for a long time already. Everyone has freedom of speech and I can not disagree with this clause. Democratic Europe has a long path to take until it establishes democracy like ALM where there is both freedom of speech and song. It will be a long time before Europe has a parliament like ours where the deputies not only think however they want, but also, they don’t think about the people as much as they want.

In a word, not only have European values integrated Armenia, but they have also widened their spectrum through the Shengen visa, gays and Turkish products….This is all for now. In addition, by being the most developed “country-media” I am certain that this generation will see Armenian part of the European Union.

Optimistic for the future of the European Union, A. K.